Let’s Talk about Emotions
I spend a lot of time talking to my children, a toddler and a preschooler, about emotions. I’m not always sure if they understand what I’m saying because most of the time they don’t really respond back or talk about how they are feeling, other than saying ok. They quietly listen, listen not so quietly while having big emotions, or listen while playing. Sometimes I wonder if they are listening to me at all, but I still move forward because to me it’s important for them to build confidence in this way and understand the emotions that they are going through.
I want them to understand emotional health is important and that they are not the emotion that they are feeling.
Emotions are merely a guidance system put in place for us to navigate our lives, to know when we are embodying our highest selves or when we need to heal and work on ourselves. My hope is for them to reach for joy, but to not be afraid of their anger, sadness, frustration, or any other thing they may be feeling. I want to encourage and empower them to work through their emotions instead of holding them in or being afraid of them.
I see how if they learn these things at an early age, they will have more meaningful lives, embody their highest selves and highest purpose, from an early age rather than grasping to figure this out as an adult.
I know no matter what, that they are their own unique beings and have their own paths in this world already. As a parent, all we can do is provide a nourishing, safe environment and let them know they are loved unconditionally, and belong in this world. But I also feel like giving them some kind of guidance with their emotions will help them to build the roots they need for strong foundations throughout their lives.
I do however still have these moments where I wonder to myself, does this even matter, is this making a difference, am I being the best parent and best mother that I can be in this way.
Both of my children are very different (as they should be), and also very little so I’m not really sure what I’ve been looking for in terms of results. But recently I’ve been seeing some big changes at home, and it’s been exciting to see.
My girls have started coming to me to talk about how they were mad or sad and why they felt those emotions. I’m hearing them say, “Mommy I want to talk about…”. They are now able to express when they feel better after having a difficult moment. My two year old communicates her needs to me pretty clear and directly, and then afterward she always says, “ok I feel better now”. My four year old usually comes to me the next day to describe how she was feeling, what happened, and that it is ok to feel that way. She lets me know that she feels better and quickly moves on to reach for her joy.
After four years of feeling like I’ve been talking to myself, it really just warms my heart that they are starting to communicate with me in these ways.
I have days like any mother or parent, where I feel like all I do is talk to toddlers, clean up messes, run from one activity to the next, read stories, get snacks, prep meals, do laundry, and clean. I’ve joked with friends before that I’m basically a multitalented waitress that doesn’t get tips. But all joking aside, I’m seeing the results that I’ve been waiting for and I know that this is making a difference everyday. When I slow down and think about it, these moments are pretty special and I’m grateful for them.
I know that there is no “perfect” way to parent and we are all just doing the best we can with the tools that we have, but these are the moments that make the harder moments ok.
When I have a difficult moment with one of my girls, because they are tired, over stimulated, hungry, or whatever else, and I am calmly able to talk them through their big emotions, sit with them or hold them through it, it makes a big difference. I see that this is actually helping them get through these moments and understand them. To know that next time it will be a little bit easier, or that we will always have challenging things to navigate, but can learn what tools we need to navigate with more grace and ease, it makes the harder days feel more purposeful. I remind myself in those moments, that there is significance in these experiences and I do my best to be a calm and nourishing place for them through their most difficult moments.
I see the meaning in the harder days.
I wanted to share this today because it’s a great reminder that the little choices we make and things that we do with our children everyday matter. We may not see the results of this right away, but eventually it all comes together. So if you’re a parent, caretaker, or nourisher too, give yourself a hug and know that you are seen, what you do everyday matters, and you are not alone in this.
You are an amazing being making a huge difference in this world by caring for others. Keep going and know that it’s ok to navigate your feelings, whatever they are, and each day you can begin again and learn from the past.
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